DOOMED

The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It`s not about the circumstances, but rater what you are made of.  The problem is that I can be strong enough in the morning and bloody weak in the afternoon- or the other way around. To begin with; I am the one who think and believe that I am doomed and there´s nothing I can do about it. The only time when I find consolation is in the late hours of the day.

I love walking after midnight, the best part is when everything is dark and in silence, nobody to be seen or heard. I become like a ghost trying to find peace. The summer is almost gone and with it, everything is coming back to normal. I am alone and a gloomy shadow has conquered my soul. Where is the moon tonight? Where are the people who used to love me? Why that is the phone never rings? I guess I will never find the answers.  I wonder if someone in some remote part of the world thinks about me sometimes. I wonder if, in that is possible, that person got good memories about me.  Who knows? Anyway a song came to my mind and I start singing along;  I stop to see a weeping willow, crying on his pillow, maybe he´s crying for me and the skies turn gloomy, night winds whisper to me I am lonesome as I can be.

The night is unusually still and quiet, a fact that I remark to the crickets who apparently are engaged in another type of conversation. I keep on walking. Suddenly the silence is broken by a dog howling followed by the sound of footsteps-but most peculiar footsteps- moving in a stealthy way down the fields. I don´t see anyone.  All of a sudden a wild pig appears in the distance.  I am not afraid of him. Actually we have met before and even considering the fact that we are not pals, I don’t think he is interested in me either.

I sit by and watch the waves of the sea flow. I sit by and observe the tiny ships fishing in the Mediterranean. Lights flashes in the distance. I feel in peace for the very first time in the whole week.  All of a sudden I receive a whatsapp but I don´t read it, what for? Days, months waiting for the right reply that never came. I guess it´s too late.  Now I only have energy to find a way to disappear forever. I am fading way because I never met her and I will never forget her. Inspiration where are you? There´s no space now for dreams, tired of them. Betrayed by them. I am like a potato. There`s no way out. There`s no hope. There`s no life. Doomed. Dreaming was free but I paid a high price for doing so. Will you remember me? Of course not. Actually I never existed and I left nothing behind. It`s getting late and I am getting weaker and weaker. Good luck.

Sergio Calle Llorens