¡JEALOUSY!

 

Actions speaks louder than words. That´s why I always had trouble blindly accepting authority. It started when I was just a child back in High School. It simply seemed to me that respect ought to be earned. Show me a smart and able superior, preferably one with a great sense of humor, and I´ll follow him anywhere. But almost always, I am not exaggerating, someone who relished power for its own sake is merely hiding his own insecurities behind the cloak of authority. Reflexively I´ll question every word out of his mouth.

I got the same problem with it comes to women. I guess that imperative tense has been an issue for me through my entire life: teachers, educators, girlfriends, lovers or acquaintances, it does not matter, the problem is always there. Do not tell me what I can´t do, just teach me how you do it and maybe I will follow your example. But do not dare to tell me what I can´t say. After all, rebellious is my second name.

 It´s quite funny but looking back in time I reach the conclusion that I never knew what was expected of me as a student or as a son, but I knew exactly what the girls wanted from me. Most importantly I learn it at a very early age. I was the guy on the scene. I was the young fella who could give them what they wanted. I used to give the young ladies what they desired. But popularity is the thing, I can guarantee, to be avoided if you want to have peace of mind because admiration brings jealousy among your peers.  Therapist often regard the demon as a scar of childhood trauma or a symptom of a psychological problem to explain the envy. Why did they feel jealousy towards me? Maybe my star shined too much or they just felt that I was what they will never be. Or maybe I imagined all this.

Anyway, jealousy is indeed a poor medium to secure love, but it´s a secure medium to destroy one´s self-respect. One thing is clear to me: anger, resentment and jealousy does not change the heart of other, it only changes yours. Beside that my heart is not the right place for bossy people- authoritarian demons according to my deceased Godfather- or domineering women. Just saying…

Sergio Calle Llorens